#DONT ASK ME HOW I DID I JUST DID IT IT WAS HARD

[art-the-f-up]

hear me out... what if...

(I'm tired but I'll provide more context in a reblog later)

[sonknuxadow]

its so frustrating how a lot of scu fans cant handle other sonic fans not having the exact same taste in sonic media that they do. like i feel like you can say something negative about literally any other sonic media on here and people generally wouldnt care that much but the second you say anything less than positive about the movies people start getting all weird about it and trying to argue with you ive had it happen to me and seen it happen to others as well .... like the sonic franchise is very big and has many different media types and writing styles not everyone is going to uncritically love everything. get over it ? im not trying to be mean but idk what else to tell you

[tubbytarchia]

gg buddy am I right (ethubs doodle that I don't know what to do with)

[imateriexistumatter]

@oripoke @bo-beanies I have my diagnosis. Im on so many different meds now...i have photos and documents. Ive been telling the truth. But instead of being supprotive, you subjected me to neglect, abuse, and torment. Why was i just this object for you to use, abuse, and then leave for dead on the streets? Like i was garbage? There TLDR is that you knowingly, and willingly, abused and controlled a mentally ill person; a close friend of years you knew was autistic and sick; you stole my assets and safety, traumatized me, then left me on the streets to die. In the beginning, there were days I literally could never put my phone down because I was 24.7 comforting bean. Id have to hide and be quiet in the bottom room, just to talk to Rory on the phone for a few minutes, or bean would get would get wildly upset if they saw. I couldnt say the wrong things, because i knew what would happen, and i was terrified. Id do everything you asked even when you hurt me for it. And yet, when i freak about the extreme trauma you cause me, doubled with my brothers abuse- when i had panic attacks from your abuse,

you stole everything and left me for dead without a word. Id have stayed by your side for months until you felt better, and you knew that, but either of you talking to me for 2 minutes was too much effort, no matter how badly i needed it... as much as i communicated this, you just ignored it

I was always there for both of you, even when it radically hurt me. I tried so hard to keep bean happy, for MONTHS, but when it was my turn to need help i was abandoned, hated, tossed away like I was nothing, and mocked for the illness i cant control. "Its your fault for being poor, its your fault for being sick" is what you said to me. Of course i snapped. You have no idea how much pain you put me in, to be starving, to be on the street with an infection, to lose my cat. Everything just got worse. My disorder is not something i can control. After 7 months of hell i was still not a person to you i was just an object or a toy for you to use. Why talk to this thing now, why bother? I was just a pet for you two to keep and torment until you were bored of my messages

The pain was too immense for me to handle, each month it just got worse. It hurt so badly. I cant describe it and i wouldnt wish it on even the most evil soul. It's agony. No human deserves what i had to go through- nobody.  Hard drugs couldnt even make it better. It was both mental and physical hell. Do you know how painful my med increases were, too, but i still did them because thats what you told me to do? I STILL listened and trusted you because i cared. I got therapy, too. And you still treated me like dirt, and im the one that has to pay for it in the hospital, in debt, in isolation and immense pain. Im the one that has to pay for all the suffering that you caused. Then you parade my dead name around, and accuse me of things I did not do. I did horrible things, im not saying i didnt. But you cant admit what you've done at *all*

I did everything you both asked of me even when it was hard, contradicting and confusing. Id never asked either of you for ANYTHING. Not ever. All I asked for was to talk, to help me with this stupid fucking disorder, but after everything I went through and how hard I tried and everything i suffered. Instead of being there, instead of responding to the only thing ive *ever* needed from either of you, you radically hurt me, then left me to die. TWICE

You may not believe this, but i don't. Want. To. Be. Like. This. I didnt choose to have this disorder, i dont choose the attacks that happen, and when i attempt suicide its *NOT* for attention like you scream. You put intentions in my mouth so often; it has nothing to do with your stupid blogs. Its to make. The pain. Stop. Its so immense, the only thing that goes in my head is "stop, make it stop, please make it stop" and i try and escape from my body to make the suffering end. There's no other way to escape your own mind but to die. And drugs, which I've gotten even further sick for abusing, but nothing else fucking helps

You all act like its a choice i made, and that's what you abandoned me for. I cant control my panic attacks. I dont control the disorder i got from my brothers abuse. i dont *WANT* to talk to any of you ever again or even think about you ever again. But that's the thing about mental illness, its crazy because it is, and when I said it wont fucking let me.... i mean IT WONT FUCKING LET ME. Could you ask a schizophrenic person to stop seeing demons?? "Like hey dude,  just stop seeing them. Have you tried just stopping?" I know pea had fun mocking me, and you all had a good laugh, "lmaooo you couldn't even not do it for a single day"- i didnt choose to be like this. I have the meds and I have the therapy. I did what you wanted but you just hurt me again. And again. How cruel is it that bean has panic attacks on the daily and gets comforted for it, and you all did this to me for my very first one. Rory told me he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone, he told me i could always talk to him if i was hurting, he told me it was okay, he reassured me he was there for me and that it was completely okay.Rory, you told me it was okay. You did. Then you disappeared without even saying goodbye. After 7 months of confusion, not understanding whats going on or whats even happening to me, or where ill sleep the next day. Constantly hurt and abused and hungry and infected, mourning everything i lost. You can never give me back my cat, or the opportunities i lost, my trans health care, my savings. You cant undo the immense pain I've felt and you cant reverse the trauma you've caused

Yes, I hurt you too. I did fucked up things, too. But not. And I repeat. Not until after 7 months of this mental and physical torture. I couldnt take it anymore

And I *still* kept trying. I *still* am. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. My meds are at 220mg and excruciating, therapy is so incredibly confusing, but im still doing it even if i desperately dont want to. But you two can torture me, because you didnt want to talk to me for a few minutes, and explain what I didnt understand. Instead you left me in the dark. While you were both going to *another* con just moments later, and sleeping comfortably, and going to parties and weddings; i was still in the hospital, in incredible pain, for an incredibly long time, from events you directly caused. Do you understand the mental toll that does to a person? I went to hospital to hospital, reaching out, just more and more confused, just more and more hurt.

While im going through all this, as if im not a real human being behind your computer; besides peas ranting the only things i recieved are "man my notifications" "man this sucks" "Yeah I hate it" like im an "it" a toy or a thing. Parading my dead name is a close contender, but its the amount of lies that hurt me the most.I did not do revenge porn and post it on porn sites, I dont know where the hell you think you're doing making up something that serious. I did not ever have any kind of conversation with Rory OR Bean, I did not fake being in a coma for 2 weeks, I was very much fucking out. I've been telling the truth, even when its hard. Why cant you? Im not afraid to tell the truth.Communication and honesty are human things. My attempts have been very real and very painful, I made myself take pictures and I have the fucking discharge papers from every single one, because I've been telling the truth and can PROVE IT. I did so much I didnt want to do. I went through so much I didnt want to. You broke my boundaries and abused me, i gave up so much of myself and my safety and my life for you, and it was okay. But im now the criminal, your boundaries > my life. Your notifications>my human life.

Nobody's reading this, nobody gives a fuck, im never going to hear anything other then "maaaan this is so shitty, we destroyed his life and his mental and his job and his healthcare and we almost killed him with our neglect....but maaan hes really clogging up my notifications and that makes him the most evil, horrible, awful and disgusting person in the world. Let him die so I can get some quiet." And "Urgh omg I cant believe i have to post this". That's all it ever is. That's all its ever going to be. You hide behind an interent wall, pretending not to see the abuse you did to my body, my person, and my life

[aphelionatseven]

brand new, full throttle

so high school - taylor swift

[wackywatchdotcom]

ive posted so much every single day on this blog for weeks now i feel weird having barely posted today . ive been busy but uhhh heres a random image i never posted from my tadc art folder?

[imateriexistumatter]

@oripoke @bo-beanies I have my diagnosis. Im on so many different meds now...i have photos and documents. Ive been telling the truth. But instead of being supprotive, you subjected me to neglect, abuse, and torment. Why was i just this object for you to use, abuse, and then leave for dead on the streets? Like i was garbage? There TLDR is that you knowingly, and willingly, abused and controlled a mentally ill person; a close friend of years you knew was autistic and sick; you stole my assets and safety, traumatized me, then left me on the streets to die. In the beginning, there were days I literally could never put my phone down because I was 24.7 comforting bean. Id have to hide and be quiet in the bottom room, just to talk to Rory on the phone for a few minutes, or bean would get would get wildly upset if they saw. I couldnt say the wrong things, because i knew what would happen, and i was terrified. Id do everything you asked even when you hurt me for it. And yet, when i freak about the extreme trauma you cause me, doubled with my brothers abuse- when i had panic attacks from your abuse,

you stole everything and left me for dead without a word. Id have stayed by your side for months until you felt better, and you knew that, but either of you talking to me for 2 minutes was too much effort, no matter how badly i needed it... as much as i communicated this, you just ignored it

I was always there for both of you, even when it radically hurt me. I tried so hard to keep bean happy, for MONTHS, but when it was my turn to need help i was abandoned, hated, tossed away like I was nothing, and mocked for the illness i cant control. "Its your fault for being poor, its your fault for being sick" is what you said to me. Of course i snapped. You have no idea how much pain you put me in, to be starving, to be on the street with an infection, to lose my cat. Everything just got worse. My disorder is not something i can control. After 7 months of hell i was still not a person to you i was just an object or a toy for you to use. Why talk to this thing now, why bother? I was just a pet for you two to keep and torment until you were bored of my messages

The pain was too immense for me to handle, each month it just got worse. It hurt so badly. I cant describe it and i wouldnt wish it on even the most evil soul. It's agony. No human deserves what i had to go through- nobody.  Hard drugs couldnt even make it better. It was both mental and physical hell. Do you know how painful my med increases were, too, but i still did them because thats what you told me to do? I STILL listened and trusted you because i cared. I got therapy, too. And you still treated me like dirt, and im the one that has to pay for it in the hospital, in debt, in isolation and immense pain. Im the one that has to pay for all the suffering that you caused. Then you parade my dead name around, and accuse me of things I did not do. I did horrible things, im not saying i didnt. But you cant admit what you've done at *all*

I did everything you both asked of me even when it was hard, contradicting and confusing. Id never asked either of you for ANYTHING. Not ever. All I asked for was to talk, to help me with this stupid fucking disorder, but after everything I went through and how hard I tried and everything i suffered. Instead of being there, instead of responding to the only thing ive *ever* needed from either of you, you radically hurt me, then left me to die. TWICE

You may not believe this, but i don't. Want. To. Be. Like. This. I didnt choose to have this disorder, i dont choose the attacks that happen, and when i attempt suicide its *NOT* for attention like you scream. You put intentions in my mouth so often; it has nothing to do with your stupid blogs. Its to make. The pain. Stop. Its so immense, the only thing that goes in my head is "stop, make it stop, please make it stop" and i try and escape from my body to make the suffering end. There's no other way to escape your own mind but to die. And drugs, which I've gotten even further sick for abusing, but nothing else fucking helps

You all act like its a choice i made, and that's what you abandoned me for. I cant control my panic attacks. I dont control the disorder i got from my brothers abuse. i dont *WANT* to talk to any of you ever again or even think about you ever again. But that's the thing about mental illness, its crazy because it is, and when I said it wont fucking let me.... i mean IT WONT FUCKING LET ME. Could you ask a schizophrenic person to stop seeing demons?? "Like hey dude,  just stop seeing them. Have you tried just stopping?" I know pea had fun mocking me, and you all had a good laugh, "lmaooo you couldn't even not do it for a single day"- i didnt choose to be like this. I have the meds and I have the therapy. I did what you wanted but you just hurt me again. And again. How cruel is it that bean has panic attacks on the daily and gets comforted for it, and you all did this to me for my very first one. Rory told me he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone, he told me i could always talk to him if i was hurting, he told me it was okay, he reassured me he was there for me and that it was completely okay.Rory, you told me it was okay. You did. Then you disappeared without even saying goodbye. After 7 months of confusion, not understanding whats going on or whats even happening to me, or where ill sleep the next day. Constantly hurt and abused and hungry and infected, mourning everything i lost. You can never give me back my cat, or the opportunities i lost, my trans health care, my savings. You cant undo the immense pain I've felt and you cant reverse the trauma you've caused

Yes, I hurt you too. I did fucked up things, too. But not. And I repeat. Not until after 7 months of this mental and physical torture. I couldnt take it anymore

And I *still* kept trying. I *still* am. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. My meds are at 220mg and excruciating, therapy is so incredibly confusing, but im still doing it even if i desperately dont want to. But you two can torture me, because you didnt want to talk to me for a few minutes, and explain what I didnt understand. Instead you left me in the dark. While you were both going to *another* con just moments later, and sleeping comfortably, and going to parties and weddings; i was still in the hospital, in incredible pain, for an incredibly long time, from events you directly caused. Do you understand the mental toll that does to a person? I went to hospital to hospital, reaching out, just more and more confused, just more and more hurt.

While im going through all this, as if im not a real human being behind your computer; besides peas ranting the only things i recieved are "man my notifications" "man this sucks" "Yeah I hate it" like im an "it" a toy or a thing. Parading my dead name is a close contender, but its the amount of lies that hurt me the most.I did not do revenge porn and post it on porn sites, I dont know where the hell you think you're doing making up something that serious. I did not ever have any kind of conversation with Rory OR Bean, I did not fake being in a coma for 2 weeks, I was very much fucking out. I've been telling the truth, even when its hard. Why cant you? Im not afraid to tell the truth.Communication and honesty are human things. My attempts have been very real and very painful, I made myself take pictures and I have the fucking discharge papers from every single one, because I've been telling the truth and can PROVE IT. I did so much I didnt want to do. I went through so much I didnt want to. You broke my boundaries and abused me, i gave up so much of myself and my safety and my life for you, and it was okay. But im now the criminal, your boundaries > my life. Your notifications>my human life.

Nobody's reading this, nobody gives a fuck, im never going to hear anything other then "maaaan this is so shitty, we destroyed his life and his mental and his job and his healthcare and we almost killed him with our neglect....but maaan hes really clogging up my notifications and that makes him the most evil, horrible, awful and disgusting person in the world. Let him die so I can get some quiet." And "Urgh omg I cant believe i have to post this". That's all it ever is. That's all its ever going to be. You hide behind an interent wall, pretending not to see the abuse you did to my body, my person, and my life

It's time to PONDER, fellas...

[imateriexistumatter]

@oripoke @bo-beanies I have my diagnosis. Im on so many different meds now...i have photos and documents. Ive been telling the truth. But instead of being supprotive, you subjected me to neglect, abuse, and torment. Why was i just this object for you to use, abuse, and then leave for dead on the streets? Like i was garbage? There TLDR is that you knowingly, and willingly, abused and controlled a mentally ill person; a close friend of years you knew was autistic and sick; you stole my assets and safety, traumatized me, then left me on the streets to die. In the beginning, there were days I literally could never put my phone down because I was 24.7 comforting bean. Id have to hide and be quiet in the bottom room, just to talk to Rory on the phone for a few minutes, or bean would get would get wildly upset if they saw. I couldnt say the wrong things, because i knew what would happen, and i was terrified. Id do everything you asked even when you hurt me for it. And yet, when i freak about the extreme trauma you cause me, doubled with my brothers abuse- when i had panic attacks from your abuse,

you stole everything and left me for dead without a word. Id have stayed by your side for months until you felt better, and you knew that, but either of you talking to me for 2 minutes was too much effort, no matter how badly i needed it... as much as i communicated this, you just ignored it

I was always there for both of you, even when it radically hurt me. I tried so hard to keep bean happy, for MONTHS, but when it was my turn to need help i was abandoned, hated, tossed away like I was nothing, and mocked for the illness i cant control. "Its your fault for being poor, its your fault for being sick" is what you said to me. Of course i snapped. You have no idea how much pain you put me in, to be starving, to be on the street with an infection, to lose my cat. Everything just got worse. My disorder is not something i can control. After 7 months of hell i was still not a person to you i was just an object or a toy for you to use. Why talk to this thing now, why bother? I was just a pet for you two to keep and torment until you were bored of my messages

The pain was too immense for me to handle, each month it just got worse. It hurt so badly. I cant describe it and i wouldnt wish it on even the most evil soul. It's agony. No human deserves what i had to go through- nobody.  Hard drugs couldnt even make it better. It was both mental and physical hell. Do you know how painful my med increases were, too, but i still did them because thats what you told me to do? I STILL listened and trusted you because i cared. I got therapy, too. And you still treated me like dirt, and im the one that has to pay for it in the hospital, in debt, in isolation and immense pain. Im the one that has to pay for all the suffering that you caused. Then you parade my dead name around, and accuse me of things I did not do. I did horrible things, im not saying i didnt. But you cant admit what you've done at *all*

I did everything you both asked of me even when it was hard, contradicting and confusing. Id never asked either of you for ANYTHING. Not ever. All I asked for was to talk, to help me with this stupid fucking disorder, but after everything I went through and how hard I tried and everything i suffered. Instead of being there, instead of responding to the only thing ive *ever* needed from either of you, you radically hurt me, then left me to die. TWICE

You may not believe this, but i don't. Want. To. Be. Like. This. I didnt choose to have this disorder, i dont choose the attacks that happen, and when i attempt suicide its *NOT* for attention like you scream. You put intentions in my mouth so often; it has nothing to do with your stupid blogs. Its to make. The pain. Stop. Its so immense, the only thing that goes in my head is "stop, make it stop, please make it stop" and i try and escape from my body to make the suffering end. There's no other way to escape your own mind but to die. And drugs, which I've gotten even further sick for abusing, but nothing else fucking helps

You all act like its a choice i made, and that's what you abandoned me for. I cant control my panic attacks. I dont control the disorder i got from my brothers abuse. i dont *WANT* to talk to any of you ever again or even think about you ever again. But that's the thing about mental illness, its crazy because it is, and when I said it wont fucking let me.... i mean IT WONT FUCKING LET ME. Could you ask a schizophrenic person to stop seeing demons?? "Like hey dude,  just stop seeing them. Have you tried just stopping?" I know pea had fun mocking me, and you all had a good laugh, "lmaooo you couldn't even not do it for a single day"- i didnt choose to be like this. I have the meds and I have the therapy. I did what you wanted but you just hurt me again. And again. How cruel is it that bean has panic attacks on the daily and gets comforted for it, and you all did this to me for my very first one. Rory told me he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone, he told me i could always talk to him if i was hurting, he told me it was okay, he reassured me he was there for me and that it was completely okay.Rory, you told me it was okay. You did. Then you disappeared without even saying goodbye. After 7 months of confusion, not understanding whats going on or whats even happening to me, or where ill sleep the next day. Constantly hurt and abused and hungry and infected, mourning everything i lost. You can never give me back my cat, or the opportunities i lost, my trans health care, my savings. You cant undo the immense pain I've felt and you cant reverse the trauma you've caused

Yes, I hurt you too. I did fucked up things, too. But not. And I repeat. Not until after 7 months of this mental and physical torture. I couldnt take it anymore

And I *still* kept trying. I *still* am. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. My meds are at 220mg and excruciating, therapy is so incredibly confusing, but im still doing it even if i desperately dont want to. But you two can torture me, because you didnt want to talk to me for a few minutes, and explain what I didnt understand. Instead you left me in the dark. While you were both going to *another* con just moments later, and sleeping comfortably, and going to parties and weddings; i was still in the hospital, in incredible pain, for an incredibly long time, from events you directly caused. Do you understand the mental toll that does to a person? I went to hospital to hospital, reaching out, just more and more confused, just more and more hurt.

While im going through all this, as if im not a real human being behind your computer; besides peas ranting the only things i recieved are "man my notifications" "man this sucks" "Yeah I hate it" like im an "it" a toy or a thing. Parading my dead name is a close contender, but its the amount of lies that hurt me the most.I did not do revenge porn and post it on porn sites, I dont know where the hell you think you're doing making up something that serious. I did not ever have any kind of conversation with Rory OR Bean, I did not fake being in a coma for 2 weeks, I was very much fucking out. I've been telling the truth, even when its hard. Why cant you? Im not afraid to tell the truth.Communication and honesty are human things. My attempts have been very real and very painful, I made myself take pictures and I have the fucking discharge papers from every single one, because I've been telling the truth and can PROVE IT. I did so much I didnt want to do. I went through so much I didnt want to. You broke my boundaries and abused me, i gave up so much of myself and my safety and my life for you, and it was okay. But im now the criminal, your boundaries > my life. Your notifications>my human life.

Nobody's reading this, nobody gives a fuck, im never going to hear anything other then "maaaan this is so shitty, we destroyed his life and his mental and his job and his healthcare and we almost killed him with our neglect....but maaan hes really clogging up my notifications and that makes him the most evil, horrible, awful and disgusting person in the world. Let him die so I can get some quiet." And "Urgh omg I cant believe i have to post this". That's all it ever is. That's all its ever going to be. You hide behind an interent wall, pretending not to see the abuse you did to my body, my person, and my life

Saguaro redraw from some years back! good ol long cactus

[every-sanji]

[gomzdrawfr]

22. Give us a headcanon for Soap!

[ask game]

(thank you for pasting the question)

Contrary to popular theory, I don't think Soap has sisters or comes from a big family. I like to think he too has a rough family history and wanted to be out of it as soon as he can, kind of similar to what I thought about for Price.

I feel like Soap is terrified of becoming a failure like the people he came from, the kind of failure that just festers in small towns and not the kind that makes it to the news. He doesn't want to rot in a cycle of bitterness, of living the way like everyone does, easily forgotten and living a mould that felt more like a jail than a path to normalcy.

[imateriexistumatter]

@oripoke @bo-beanies I have my diagnosis. Im on so many different meds now...i have photos and documents. Ive been telling the truth. But instead of being supprotive, you subjected me to neglect, abuse, and torment. Why was i just this object for you to use, abuse, and then leave for dead on the streets? Like i was garbage? There TLDR is that you knowingly, and willingly, abused and controlled a mentally ill person; a close friend of years you knew was autistic and sick; you stole my assets and safety, traumatized me, then left me on the streets to die. In the beginning, there were days I literally could never put my phone down because I was 24.7 comforting bean. Id have to hide and be quiet in the bottom room, just to talk to Rory on the phone for a few minutes, or bean would get would get wildly upset if they saw. I couldnt say the wrong things, because i knew what would happen, and i was terrified. Id do everything you asked even when you hurt me for it. And yet, when i freak about the extreme trauma you cause me, doubled with my brothers abuse- when i had panic attacks from your abuse,

you stole everything and left me for dead without a word. Id have stayed by your side for months until you felt better, and you knew that, but either of you talking to me for 2 minutes was too much effort, no matter how badly i needed it... as much as i communicated this, you just ignored it

I was always there for both of you, even when it radically hurt me. I tried so hard to keep bean happy, for MONTHS, but when it was my turn to need help i was abandoned, hated, tossed away like I was nothing, and mocked for the illness i cant control. "Its your fault for being poor, its your fault for being sick" is what you said to me. Of course i snapped. You have no idea how much pain you put me in, to be starving, to be on the street with an infection, to lose my cat. Everything just got worse. My disorder is not something i can control. After 7 months of hell i was still not a person to you i was just an object or a toy for you to use. Why talk to this thing now, why bother? I was just a pet for you two to keep and torment until you were bored of my messages

The pain was too immense for me to handle, each month it just got worse. It hurt so badly. I cant describe it and i wouldnt wish it on even the most evil soul. It's agony. No human deserves what i had to go through- nobody.  Hard drugs couldnt even make it better. It was both mental and physical hell. Do you know how painful my med increases were, too, but i still did them because thats what you told me to do? I STILL listened and trusted you because i cared. I got therapy, too. And you still treated me like dirt, and im the one that has to pay for it in the hospital, in debt, in isolation and immense pain. Im the one that has to pay for all the suffering that you caused. Then you parade my dead name around, and accuse me of things I did not do. I did horrible things, im not saying i didnt. But you cant admit what you've done at *all*

I did everything you both asked of me even when it was hard, contradicting and confusing. Id never asked either of you for ANYTHING. Not ever. All I asked for was to talk, to help me with this stupid fucking disorder, but after everything I went through and how hard I tried and everything i suffered. Instead of being there, instead of responding to the only thing ive *ever* needed from either of you, you radically hurt me, then left me to die. TWICE

You may not believe this, but i don't. Want. To. Be. Like. This. I didnt choose to have this disorder, i dont choose the attacks that happen, and when i attempt suicide its *NOT* for attention like you scream. You put intentions in my mouth so often; it has nothing to do with your stupid blogs. Its to make. The pain. Stop. Its so immense, the only thing that goes in my head is "stop, make it stop, please make it stop" and i try and escape from my body to make the suffering end. There's no other way to escape your own mind but to die. And drugs, which I've gotten even further sick for abusing, but nothing else fucking helps

You all act like its a choice i made, and that's what you abandoned me for. I cant control my panic attacks. I dont control the disorder i got from my brothers abuse. i dont *WANT* to talk to any of you ever again or even think about you ever again. But that's the thing about mental illness, its crazy because it is, and when I said it wont fucking let me.... i mean IT WONT FUCKING LET ME. Could you ask a schizophrenic person to stop seeing demons?? "Like hey dude,  just stop seeing them. Have you tried just stopping?" I know pea had fun mocking me, and you all had a good laugh, "lmaooo you couldn't even not do it for a single day"- i didnt choose to be like this. I have the meds and I have the therapy. I did what you wanted but you just hurt me again. And again. How cruel is it that bean has panic attacks on the daily and gets comforted for it, and you all did this to me for my very first one. Rory told me he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone, he told me i could always talk to him if i was hurting, he told me it was okay, he reassured me he was there for me and that it was completely okay.Rory, you told me it was okay. You did. Then you disappeared without even saying goodbye. After 7 months of confusion, not understanding whats going on or whats even happening to me, or where ill sleep the next day. Constantly hurt and abused and hungry and infected, mourning everything i lost. You can never give me back my cat, or the opportunities i lost, my trans health care, my savings. You cant undo the immense pain I've felt and you cant reverse the trauma you've caused

Yes, I hurt you too. I did fucked up things, too. But not. And I repeat. Not until after 7 months of this mental and physical torture. I couldnt take it anymore

And I *still* kept trying. I *still* am. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. My meds are at 220mg and excruciating, therapy is so incredibly confusing, but im still doing it even if i desperately dont want to. But you two can torture me, because you didnt want to talk to me for a few minutes, and explain what I didnt understand. Instead you left me in the dark. While you were both going to *another* con just moments later, and sleeping comfortably, and going to parties and weddings; i was still in the hospital, in incredible pain, for an incredibly long time, from events you directly caused. Do you understand the mental toll that does to a person? I went to hospital to hospital, reaching out, just more and more confused, just more and more hurt.

While im going through all this, as if im not a real human being behind your computer; besides peas ranting the only things i recieved are "man my notifications" "man this sucks" "Yeah I hate it" like im an "it" a toy or a thing. Parading my dead name is a close contender, but its the amount of lies that hurt me the most.I did not do revenge porn and post it on porn sites, I dont know where the hell you think you're doing making up something that serious. I did not ever have any kind of conversation with Rory OR Bean, I did not fake being in a coma for 2 weeks, I was very much fucking out. I've been telling the truth, even when its hard. Why cant you? Im not afraid to tell the truth.Communication and honesty are human things. My attempts have been very real and very painful, I made myself take pictures and I have the fucking discharge papers from every single one, because I've been telling the truth and can PROVE IT. I did so much I didnt want to do. I went through so much I didnt want to. You broke my boundaries and abused me, i gave up so much of myself and my safety and my life for you, and it was okay. But im now the criminal, your boundaries > my life. Your notifications>my human life.

Nobody's reading this, nobody gives a fuck, im never going to hear anything other then "maaaan this is so shitty, we destroyed his life and his mental and his job and his healthcare and we almost killed him with our neglect....but maaan hes really clogging up my notifications and that makes him the most evil, horrible, awful and disgusting person in the world. Let him die so I can get some quiet." And "Urgh omg I cant believe i have to post this". That's all it ever is. That's all its ever going to be. You hide behind an interent wall, pretending not to see the abuse you did to my body, my person, and my life

Sambar Deer (Rusa unicolor) and Rufous Treepie (Dendrocitta Vagabunda) - Sariska National Park, India 

Photographed by Naveen Kumar Singh‎

[sanchoyo]

tomorrow is my birthdaaaaay

the thing I would like the most is if ppl would read my webcomic ! and maybe leave a nice comment while you're there 🤲

it is a tokyo mew mew spinoff- a nextgen to be exact- following Ichigo and Masaya's daughter who really really wants to be a Magical Girl, along with her team, a rogue alien named Persimmon who is..kind of bad at doing a lot of the alien stuff like flying and teleporting, and a robot named Aqua built by Shirogane who is strong but not very good with common sense or social stuff. the girls are up against the original alien species who are lead by Queen, the new ruler who covets Earth after their planet was invaded by space bugs. She is taking a year within the ship to decide how best to eliminate all humans- so they have only a year to stop her- and Mira's magical girl form is unstable due to her animal DNA not being a fit for her, barely being held together with mew aqua. So there's a sense of Time Running out.

It explores a lot of things the original didn't touch on as much as I would've liked, like mew aqua, more about chimera anima, and also has a theme of family (and found family, but also just weird family dynamics in general) and weird relationships between clumsy teenage girls trying to figure themselves out and confronting the future together. If I had to slot it into a genre it would be mahou shoujo, with elements of scifi/fantasy, adventure, and very mild mystery/horror! It has been in the works for 10+ years in my brain! something fun is seeing the improvement just between ch 1- and where we are now!

There's also a bunch of fun stuff on the site that I worked hard to add like a gallery, newsletter, about page with some Swag, etc...(there's a more concise plot summary on the about page, actually, lol)

I'm not sure how comprehensible it is if you haven't read/watched tmm...but I hope tmm fans can enjoy it! It's aimed at a small demographic within an already kinda small fandom, so literally every nice comment about it makes me sooo happy 🥺

It's been going a little over a year now and I update weekly (weekly updates are posted on @tokyomiracle and post art of it on my art blog under the tm2 tag @sanchoyoscribbles :))

read it here!

[clergynonman]

Babes never kill yourselves can't believe I ever was suicidal. I got the peak femme experience this weekend. 🥺🌸🌸

Had a date with a hot butch i had been texting on saturday night it went so fkn well can't get them out of my head. They lent me their sweater when I got cold and held my thigh the whole time I feel naked without their hand there. Walked me home and we made out on my doorstep. They told me to keep the sweater it smells so fucking good omfgggg.

THENN sunday I wake up from the best sleep of my life to a good morning beautiful xx and spring sunny weather. Went to the theater to watch the Pride and Prejudice (2005, the crowd cheered during the hand scene) rerelease and it finally was warm enough to wear my pretty summer skirts. I wore the sweater and hugged myself with it the whole time wishing they were sitting next to me.

I am one happy femme. Never die if you can help it life can get pretty good 💕

[triglycercule]

guys its finally done

after exactly like 3 months the killer analysis is FINALLY done......oh my trio we're so back WE'RE SO BACK!!!!! in exchange for this long awaited victory i will be working on a little comic.........killer WILL be featured there will be no more of excluding him here ‼️

here's a wip panel from it x3

[imateriexistumatter]

@oripoke @bo-beanies I have so many photos and documents.. Ive been telling the truth. But instead of being supprotive, you subjected me to neglect, abuse, and torment. Why was i just this object for you to use, abuse, and then leave for dead on the streets? Like i was garbage? There TLDR is that you knowingly, and willingly, abused and controlled a mentally ill person; a close friend of years you knew was autistic and sick; you stole my assets and safety, traumatized me, then left me on the streets to die. In the beginning, there were days I literally could never put my phone down because I was 24.7 comforting bean. Id have to hide and be quiet in the bottom room, just to talk to Rory on the phone for a few minutes, or bean would get would get wildly upset if they saw. I couldnt say the wrong things, because i knew what would happen, and i was terrified. Id do everything you asked even when you hurt me for it. And yet, when i freak about the extreme trauma you cause me, doubled with my brothers abuse- when i had panic attacks from your abuse,

you stole everything and left me for dead without a word. Id have stayed by your side for months until you felt better, and you knew that, but either of you talking to me for 2 minutes was too much effort, no matter how badly i needed it... as much as i communicated this, you just ignored it

I was always there for both of you, even when it radically hurt me. I tried so hard to keep bean happy, for MONTHS, but when it was my turn to need help i was abandoned, hated, tossed away like I was nothing, and mocked for the illness i cant control. "Its your fault for being poor, its your fault for being sick" is what you said to me. Of course i snapped. You have no idea how much pain you put me in, to be starving, to be on the street with an infection, to lose my cat. Everything just got worse. My disorder is not something i can control. After 7 months of hell i was still not a person to you i was just an object or a toy for you to use. Why talk to this thing now, why bother? I was just a pet for you two to keep and torment until you were bored of my messages

The pain was too immense for me to handle, each month it just got worse. It hurt so badly. I cant describe it and i wouldnt wish it on even the most evil soul. It's agony. No human deserves what i had to go through- nobody.  Hard drugs couldnt even make it better. It was both mental and physical hell. Do you know how painful my med increases were, too, but i still did them because thats what you told me to do? I STILL listened and trusted you because i cared. I got therapy, too. And you still treated me like dirt, and im the one that has to pay for it in the hospital, in debt, in isolation and immense pain. Im the one that has to pay for all the suffering that you caused. Then you parade my dead name around, and accuse me of things I did not do. I did horrible things, im not saying i didnt. But you cant admit what you've done at *all*

I did everything you both asked of me even when it was hard, contradicting and confusing. Id never asked either of you for ANYTHING. Not ever. All I asked for was to talk, to help me with this stupid fucking disorder, but after everything I went through and how hard I tried and everything i suffered. Instead of being there, instead of responding to the only thing ive *ever* needed from either of you, you radically hurt me, then left me to die. TWICE

You may not believe this, but i don't. Want. To. Be. Like. This. I didnt choose to have this disorder, i dont choose the attacks that happen, and when i attempt suicide its *NOT* for attention like you scream. You put intentions in my mouth so often; it has nothing to do with your stupid blogs. Its to make. The pain. Stop. Its so immense, the only thing that goes in my head is "stop, make it stop, please make it stop" and i try and escape from my body to make the suffering end. There's no other way to escape your own mind but to die. And drugs, which I've gotten even further sick for abusing, but nothing else fucking helps

You all act like its a choice i made, and that's what you abandoned me for. I cant control my panic attacks. I dont control the disorder i got from my brothers abuse. i dont *WANT* to talk to any of you ever again or even think about you ever again. But that's the thing about mental illness, its crazy because it is, and when I said it wont fucking let me.... i mean IT WONT FUCKING LET ME. Could you ask a schizophrenic person to stop seeing demons?? "Like hey dude,  just stop seeing them. Have you tried just stopping?" I know pea had fun mocking me, and you all had a good laugh, "lmaooo you couldn't even not do it for a single day"- i didnt choose to be like this. I have the meds and I have the therapy. I did what you wanted but you just hurt me again. And again. How cruel is it that bean has panic attacks on the daily and gets comforted for it, and you all did this to me for my very first one. Rory told me he loved me more than hes ever loved anyone, he told me i could always talk to him if i was hurting, he told me it was okay, he reassured me he was there for me and that it was completely okay.Rory, you told me it was okay. You did. Then you disappeared without even saying goodbye. After 7 months of confusion, not understanding whats going on or whats even happening to me, or where ill sleep the next day. Constantly hurt and abused and hungry and infected, mourning everything i lost. You can never give me back my cat, or the opportunities i lost, my trans health care, my savings. You cant undo the immense pain I've felt and you cant reverse the trauma you've caused

Yes, I hurt you too. I did fucked up things, too. But not. And I repeat. Not until after 7 months of this mental and physical torture. I couldnt take it anymore

And I *still* kept trying. I *still* am. BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU TOLD ME TO DO. My meds are at 220mg and excruciating, therapy is so incredibly confusing, but im still doing it even if i desperately dont want to. But you two can torture me, because you didnt want to talk to me for a few minutes, and explain what I didnt understand. Instead you left me in the dark. While you were both going to *another* con just moments later, and sleeping comfortably, and going to parties and weddings; i was still in the hospital, in incredible pain, for an incredibly long time, from events you directly caused. Do you understand the mental toll that does to a person? I went to hospital to hospital, reaching out, just more and more confused, just more and more hurt.

While im going through all this, as if im not a real human being behind your computer; besides peas ranting the only things i recieved are "man my notifications" "man this sucks" "Yeah I hate it" like im an "it" a toy or a thing. Parading my dead name is a close contender, but its the amount of lies that hurt me the most.I did not do revenge porn and post it on porn sites, I dont know where the hell you think you're doing making up something that serious. I did not ever have any kind of conversation with Rory OR Bean, I did not fake being in a coma for 2 weeks, I was very much fucking out. I've been telling the truth, even when its hard. Why cant you? Im not afraid to tell the truth.Communication and honesty are human things. My attempts have been very real and very painful, I made myself take pictures and I have the fucking discharge papers from every single one, because I've been telling the truth and can PROVE IT. I did so much I didnt want to do. I went through so much I didnt want to. You broke my boundaries and abused me, i gave up so much of myself and my safety and my life for you, and it was okay. But im now the criminal, your boundaries > my life. Your notifications>my human life.

Nobody's reading this, nobody gives a fuck, im never going to hear anything other then "maaaan this is so shitty, we destroyed his life and his mental and his job and his healthcare and we almost killed him with our neglect....but maaan hes really clogging up my notifications and that makes him the most evil, horrible, awful and disgusting person in the world. Let him die so I can get some quiet." And "Urgh omg I cant believe i have to post this". That's all it ever is. That's all its ever going to be. You hide behind an interent wall, pretending not to see the abuse you did to my body, my person, and my life

festering

[eruditic-akechi]

slowly sliding a little paper slip through the slot of the door to your ask box (it is my desperately pleas to hear your daindottir thoughts & opinions. any and all. how did they meet. what is their dynamic. what the fuck did Rhine do to make this man borderline homicidal towards her son. DETAILS PLLLEADE!!!!!)

this is a can of worms that is being opened as we speak I AM SO INSANE ABOUT THEM literally my 6k fic is about them GRAWHHHHHHHH I'm gonna be referencing that a lot because I like it and yeah j;fdaklssjfsafhiojgojgjgijodsgkgfosdkfdfjkewaleroigjorijg

ALSO WARNING YALL NOW THAT I HAVE BEEN PICKING AWAY AT THIS FOR OVER A MONTN (update many months :/)NOW AND SOME LORE BOMBS MAY CONTRADICT MY CANON BUT I AM NOT GOING THROEHH TO FIX THIS RN IDC IDC IDC!!!!!

they first met very young, but it was just a random chance encounter. Rhine, being a child prodigy with alchemy, was sitting on the ground and mixing things together to see what happens. Dainsleif made the fatal mistake of asking someone with ADHD what they are doing, so he listened to her explain as she mixed everything together to make a flower sprout from her hand (like Albedo's character story fjfjdsfhjs). She gave it to him, and he almost got in trouble later because his mom thought he went to the surface while playing😭.

As for when they like,,, met fr fr, I'm making the executive decision to say that Rhinedottir was, to some extent, state-ordained when it came to alchemy. I don't care that perry hairy says that more emphasis was on mechanical shit during her time; she's built different enough that she was probably the exception because if anyone made Khaenri'ah food independent, it would be her. So, one of Dain's baby knight-in-training duties was to make sure she didn't kill herself or others in her pursuits (and other people interested in alchemy were MAD mad about her getting special privileges and recognition so he made sure she left the lab and got home in one piece). Unfortunately, the propaganda and rumors started EARLY, to the point that the whole ass adult knights of the royal guard were too scared to fully show Dain where her lab was. A literal like,,, 15-year-old had them in such a tizzy that they were like, "Uhhh yeah... if you go straight a little longer, it's the first door on the right. Bye now!" So this lil 13-year-old boy was scared shitless, thinking he was going to have to interact with an antisocial monster... just for it to be a pretty girl who may sound like a crazed scientist with the way she talks about alchemy but is otherwise reserved and kind. (And lonely enough that she was excited that she had someone by her side) He really didn't understand why mages and sages AND KNIGHTS were so wary of her.

They hit it off fairly quickly. He looked at her as if she were a normal person and he let her talk about her work. He was patient with her, and cared about her wellbeing. He was her first friend. After getting through a thick layer of apprehension, she was sweet and funny. And she was interesting. So very interesting. (also, between her being an early bloomer and dressing/acting like she was a few years older... she was a pleasing sight in his pubescent eyes😔 it didn't help that she was also considerably taller than him for a good while... his eyes were at the perfect height if ya catch my drift) Their friendship came to be so naturally that they didn't even realize how close they had gotten over time. Dain was eventually assigned actual duties, but he still made sure she got home safe, and spent most of his breaks in her lab. Some nosy neighbors claim that they stopped seeing him walk back after dropping her off,,, not that they'd ever admit to that.

Dainsleif caught feelings very early on. It started as purely physical attraction, but the more he got to know her, the more he was drawn in. ESPECIALLY after she started trusting him more than anyone else, seeking him out for comfort, and indicating that she misses him if he has to be gone for periods of time. Alas, Rhinedottir seems content with the current state of their relationship, so he doesn't confess out of fear of scaring her off.

LITTLE DOES HE KNOW she's also whipped, even if it did take considerably longer. She'd never say anything because she thinks she fell for basic human decency, and she'll never admit it, but she's scared of finding out that she finds people more important than they find her... maybe he's just being nice, and here she thinks she has a chance. So, she keeps quiet as well, even as these newfound feelings make her feel like the little girl she was never allowed to be. She has such a schoolgirl crush on him, quite literally giggling, swooning, and kicking her feet as she smiles into her pillow on the nights she does end up alone because she'd never let anyone actually see her like this. It's obvious to literally everyone but them that they love each other. Anyone can see the way his gaze softens when it lands on her, and literally who else is allowed in her lab unannounced and faces no consequences? At some point, she meets her only other friend, Alice, and all of these things are the most obvious to her. She wants to strangle them both for being oblivious. Alice is the #1 wingman, but it flops every time 😭😭she literally gave homeboy some of the flowers she brought for Rhine to study for the sole purpose of giving him a way to be romantic, but they both became too awkward.

After multiple years of friendship growing into a very thinly veiled romance, they became friends with benefits, which made things easier for them because they could put off the big scary feelings talk a while longer. But Alice flipped a lid after seeing marks on Rhine's neck because she thought they finally confessed, but noooo, of course, they only skirted around the issue. Then she tried to pry details out of Rhine... she was obviously only innocently asking about her best friend's sex newfound sex life,,, (she was partly genuinely curious in a friend way, but she also had a crush on her by that point)

Literally everyone else thought that they had been dating for years, and after a while, they stopped correcting people unless they had to, which, when paired with Rhine being shameless at times and not particularly trying to cover up her battle scars, REALLY had people thinking they were together.

Idk the exact circumstances in which they actually started dating,,, like I've changed my mind on when it happened far too many times, but surprisingly I think it was Rhine who actually started the conversation. She accidentally blurted out "what are we?" and the rest was history.

AND now that they were finally officially together, everything felt so much more different than before, even when nothing really changed all that much... they WERE practically dating since they were teens,,, but the officiality of the label was nice :) the (relatively) short time they were actually together was the best time of Rhine's life because she had someone to love, a best friend, she always had her apartment AND food on the table, AND she was able to do her alchemy with very loose reins as long as she showed some agricultural progress,,, which allowed her to put a lot of her work energy into her own personal endeavors! Including making a son the only way she could have biological children! and obviously he knew full well about her,,, situation,,, so he was cautiously supportive of her research because he figured she knows what she's doing,,, tbh he was probably also excited when she got to the homunc stage because she said she was gonna make it as close to a natural human as possible, which meant having two DNA sources,,, and she couldn't even provide all the ingredients herself :/ so!! they were gonna be parents together!!! [if i talk about alchemical stillbirth anymore tonight I might get assassinated so yeah... but that happened and rhine was DEVASTATED she had a full breakdown. it was kinda scary for both dain and alice to witness. then they fed him to durin as a badass funeral because he deserved it for progressing MUCH further than any other attempt (project paper doll thoughts are starting to seep into this i hear the guns cocking)] then they try again with albedo and even though he was successfully "born" his father never got to see him out of the flask :/

BECAUUUUUUSSSEEEEEE the whole time Rhine was messing with abyss and forbidden knowledge juices and was becoming increasingly unwell and unstable. but she was able to hide her (increased) mental instability up until immediately before the cataclysm. HOWEVER COMMA, her continuously declining physical health was a different story. He had to watch as she developed a cough, which would only get worse and worse, and weird dark "rashes" on her arms that would occasionally make it difficult for her to use them, and she would always refuse to go to the doctor (because she knew what was causing this. and the doctors hopefully wouldn't). Eventually, she'd be coughing up blood from the force of her cough, the rashes on her arms would spread and get a more scaly texture, she'd be in pain more often than not, her general mobility suffered, she'd get headaches and migraines randomly, and even the occasional fainting spell, but she was determined to take care of it herself. Then the cataclysm happened. During that time, Albedo was born or hatched or whatever, and Dain really wanted to see his son at least once before he was called down to fight against the gods, but by this point Rhine was completely delusional. This time around, forbidden knowledge exacerbated both her work related desires and her desire to be a good mom, but she started to believe that EVERYONE was out to hurt Albedo and only she could protect him, so she refused to let anyone even near her lab when, even just a few weeks before, both Dain and Alice were allowed to see eggbedo. Their last interaction was them fighting over if he should be allowed to see HIS son, but even though he was frustrated with her, he felt bad for her. She had such a wild, fearful look in her eyes, almost like a mother beast protecting her young. She was actually afraid of something happening to Albedo, and it was a level of fear he had never seen from her before and he knows she's gone through some SHIT! He's literally seen, in real time, a trauma response panic attack from her and even then she conveyed less fear than she is right now. He leaves her alone. The next day, she's gone. All the necessities from her place are missing and Albedo is gone too. Their last interaction was an argument. They never got to say a proper goodbye... they didn't even know if the other was alive for quite a long time. It'd make sense if either of them did die... Dain could've died in battle before the curse, and the heavens could've seen Rhine as too much of a risk to keep immortal.

but yknow,,, 500 years pass and Dain has been known to prowl mondstadt at least a few times,,, and he somehow knows everything. so he heard rumors about the new alchemist with the knights whose name is Albedo. and he just Knows. Firstly from the name, because Rhinedottir is uncreative with her names and the first of any of her phases will be named after their stage (Durin was named Nigredo agenda!! it somehow became durin after the cataclysm. Dain was allowed to pick Elynas's name since she was out of ideas). Secondly, who else would be able to completely change the way alchemy was viewed and talked about except for the offspring of the woman who did the same 500 years prior? He doesn't seek him out because he has no idea what Rhine has become since their last encounter. Does Albedo even know he has a father (no.)? Did Rhine feed him lies about other Khaenri'ahns? Dain didn't want to start a fight or worse... clearly she had taught him her methods, he figures as he watches, from a distance, as Albedo sprouts a flower from his hand the same way his momma did as a girl. He fears Albedo could bring about a second cataclysm if he's not careful with it, and as they say hindsight is 20/20, so he knows what to look for. He has learned that Rhine's illness was from her tampering with the abyss and forbidden knowledge. He also, unknowingly at the time, watched as his own brother and his brother's friends became more and more lured in by the abyss, so he's seen the range of its impact. He keeps his eyes and ears peeled for the first sign of Albedo falling down the same path because, as much as it would hurt him to hurt his own son, he will dispose of Albedo before he can repeat what his mother has done. He can't lose another family member to the abyss.